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Running with Air Bags

05 Mar

A friend of mine just gifted me with the latest Van Halen album ‘A Different Kind of Truth.’ He had listened to it first on his ride home from work and noted it wasn’t half bad. ‘It’s a bit of a throwback to the pre-1984 Van Halen and you can hear the creative tension between David Lee Roth and Eddie’s guitar.’ After listening to it myself I agreed but I added the following assessment:

thanks again for the Halen. You’re right. It’s good and it has the
pre-84 DNA. I need to listen to it a few more times to feel it out.
That said, it was pretty funny this morning when I put the Van Halen
channel on Pandora and Mean Street came barreling out and I was like
‘ah, yes. This is the unfiltered stuff I remember.’

so i think the new album is a bit like the retro Dodge Challenger. It
looks right, sounds right and has the pedigree. But its Van Halen with
air bags, anti-lock brakes and has been focused grouped for years. the
most dangerous thing you’ll do in a modern Challenger once you’ve
buckled up and checked your mirrors, is drink a venti full-caf
Americano on the way to your accountant.

Whereas with the original Challenger you’d be trying to steer with
one-handed at felonious speeds, laughing til the beer snorts out of
your nose while trying to pull the tab off the next beer all the while
hoping your dobermans don’t lick the cocaine out the navel of the
underage, naked judge’s daughter you’ve got tied up in the backseat.
You had no fear from the cops because if Ponch and Jon pull you over
on the PCH they’ll simply let you borrow their handcuff keys and give
you a police escort to your record promoter’s hot tub party Malibu.

you should just now be getting out of jail for the things you did
while listening to the original Van Halen albums…

the above paragraph maybe something of a lift from one of PJ O’Rouke’s
finest essays, but I make no apologies. This is PJ’s original:

When it comes to taking chances, some people like to play poker or
shoot dice; other people prefer to parachute jump, go rhino hunting,
or climb ice floes, while still others engage in crime or marriage.
But I like to get drunk and drive like a fool. Name me, if you can, a
better feeling than the one you get when you’re half a bottle of
Chivas in the bag with a gram of coke up your nose, and a teen-age
lovely pulling off her tube top in the next seat over while you’re
going a hundred miles an hour down a suburban sidestreet. You’d have
to watch the entire Mexican air force crash-land in a liquid petroleum
gas storage facility to match this kind of thrill. If you ever have
much more fun than that, you’ll die of pure sensory overload, I’m here
to tell you.

All that said, I am geeked out to see Van Halen at the Verizon Center on 3/28. And until then may enjoy Yacht Rock’s take on Van Halen.

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Posted by on March 5, 2012 in Music

 

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